I’ve battled anxiety throughout the last 30 years.
People have often interpreted my social anxiety as rudeness. As I struggled for words or ran for the toilets to get away from people I was in the grasp of a panic attack, wishing I could just bury myself in the ground.
At my worst, I bordered on agoraphobia, struggling to drag myself out of the house to get a loaf of bread to feed myself. Not that that bothered me, as I hated myself so much, wavering from starving myself through to over exercising and binge drinking. I did not treat myself with any kindness.
In 2010 I found myself lost and struggling to get through every day. I had left a job as an awarded project manager. I was burnt out and in the grips of depression, and had landed in new job where others and myself were subjected to work place bullying. I was also struggling to deal with the loss of my Nan to cancer, and to make matters worse – my anxiety was back with a vengeance, threatening to destroy my relationship of 6 years.
“The same person who would never raise [their] hand in a lecture hall of two hundred people might blog to two thousand, or two million, without thinking twice. The same person who finds it difficult to introduce himself to strangers might establish a presence online and then extend these relationship into the real world.”
- Quiet, Susan Cain 2012
I still remember the evening when I had first decided to blog. Sitting there about to select ‘publish’ I was terrified. It was only a little post but I felt so exposed.
Soon enough I had caught the blogging bug. I had found a way to express myself, and I loved it.
“We all have the ability. The difference is how we use it”. Stevie Wonder
For me, blogging has been a cathartic journey of self-discovery, and has opened up a world of opportunities. Sure, it hasn’t been easy, and there have been many ups and downs, but 3 1/2 years later my life has transformed and I finally find myself comfortable in my skin and having found a voice which has succeeded in bringing me out of my shell in more ways than one. I still struggle with anxiety but I no longer live dominated by fear. Most importantly it has helped me realise that by sharing my story, I can help others who are going through something similar to what I have.
Contributor/Autor Bio: Meet Janine Ripper
Janine Ripper is a writer, blogger, mentor and life coach. She is also an anxiety sufferer and depression survivor and thriver and a big introvert at heart. Janine’s seized life and is now chasing her dreams, rediscovering lost passions, running her own writing and life coaching business, and helping others shine.
Learn more about Janine, her blog and website on her Positive Attitude Bio Page
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